UPDATE: WE ARE NOT AMUSED!
After 3 months of religious routine, swallowing large amounts of various natural pills, drinking natural fibre and drinking gallons of water, hubby and I have actually put on 5 pounds each! Despite the symphony of gaseous expression throughout the day and night, we have yet to see any of the disgusting matter that is shown so graphically on the Dr.Natura website. A word of advice: DON’T WASTE YOUR HARD EARNED CASH!
[WARNING: Unless you to go the drnatura website and read the testimonials, you are most likely to think that I have lost my marbles. So please, read with abandon and then visit the website to see over 1000 testimonials where people actually do write, in great detail, about their daily trips to the Loo and the amazing improvements in their health.]
Dollz, if someone would have informed me a year ago that I would be writing about BMs (Bowel Movements) on a public platform such as this Blog, I would have just PLATZED! (Yiddish for "passed out"!)
However, given that I now belong to an age-group and culture where Chronic Constipation, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Colon Cancer and other dysfunctions of the nether regions abound, I felt compelled to be brave and take responsibility for my own dysfunction in this regard. After almost a year of research and interviews, I agreed that by the time we are in our late 30s, we have accumulated decades of mucoidal plaque in our colon and that this trapped toxins and prevented healthy and regular elimination of the nasty waste by-products, as well as absorption of essential nutrients. I concurred that surely the side effects of this toxic build-up were sluggishness, excess weight, water retention, constipation and too many others to mention. After reading and researching more than a 1000 testimonials from people who did the Colonix and ToxinOut Cleanses, I knew that I would be foolish not to try it. In fact, I owed it to myself and my body.
So, here it is, my daily/weekly/monthly journal of the effects of these two products on my system and in my life. I am quite sure that it is going to be a fascinating experience all around as the chocolate hostages are released and I pen my journey to outstanding health!
(1)DAY ONE - Thursday, May 15, 2008:
The COLONIX arrived late in the afternoon. I got home and examined the instructions very carefully and took note that it is vital, throughout the 3 month cleanse, to drink eight 8oz glasses of pure or filtered water throughout the day.
I also noticed that I could expect between 1 and 3 bowel movements in the morning after arising, so it is quite a good idea to be near a toilette at these times! You don’t want to be walking along the Valley Trail when all-of-a-sudden you know you have to GO!
I steeped the herbal laxative tea for 1 minute and then drank it. It was very refreshing and pleasant.
I slept quite well and did not notice any cramping.
(2) DAY TWO - Friday, May 16, 2008
I awoke and took the two Paranil capsules which contain the natural herbal compound designed to eliminate parasites from the colon - (Yes Dears, you have them too! Check out the website below!)
I waited 15 minutes as instructed.
Thereafter, I prepared the natural Fibre powder with 100% pure organic fruit juice as the taste of the fibre is bland.
I drank it all quickly, as advised.
Thereafter, I drank two 8 0z glasses of water.
I then felt an urge to visit the "elimination chamber"/bathroom/powder room/bog/toilette or whatever you choose to call your place of purging.
Easy BM, no struggle and a great relief after almost a week of constipation. Lovely!
Drank my quote of water throughout the day and looked forward to the super herbal tea at bedtime.
I slept through the night and felt rested in the morning - a small miracle.
(3) DAY THREE - Saturday, May 17, 2008
Took the 2 Paranil tabs, waited 15 mins and then drank the fibre mix with pure fruit juice.
I really am beginning to enjoy the fibre drink. It is tasty and filling and almost immediately after I drink it with the one or two cups of pure water, I need to visit the Ladie’s room.
(Did I mention that my darling Hubbie is doing this WITH ME! And because he has such a wicked sense of humour, I’m usually bent over double in the kitchen, roaring with laughter while I am preparing our fruit juice/fibre drink.)
I am very pleased that Hubbie loves the tea and the fibre drink and I must admit, this is far more exciting and reassuring when you do it as a team.
I had two good BMs in the morning and I remembered from the over 1000 testimonials on the website, that it is quite normal to expect between 1 and 3 BMs from the time you awaken until lunch time. This makes it easier to organize your day: in other words - be near a toilette for those first few hours if you possibly can.
Drank our 8 glasses of water and told all of our friends about our new adventure - Toilet Tribulations, Colon Classics and other names abounded.
We spent the day as a family around the swimming pool with friends, dogs, cats and babies and had a wonderful time. I swam without any problems and really enjoyed myself. So did Hubby.
Took my tea at bedtime and slept quite well again.
(4) DAY FOUR - Sunday, May 18, 2008
Did the morning routine with Hubby and had 2 BMs. Nothing unusual. We are still waiting in anticipation of any alien-like creatures as has been reported on the website and we are both still in a state of shock to think that we have been walking around and living with parasites in our guts for so many years. No wonder the world is in such dissaray!
Spent another day around the pool, enjoying the sunshine, the water and a fantastic bar-b-que that Hubby and friends prepared for us.
Drank our tea before bed. I had two cups - it is so comforting!
(5) DAY FIVE - Monday, May 19, 2008
Ooh-la-la: the chocolate hostages are now appearing in camouflage! BMS that previously were of what I perceived to be of a "normal" palette are now entering the world in distinct shades of black, dark brown and green.
If I hadn’t prepared myself by reading all of the testimonials, I would be a little perplexed. However, I expect even more colour changes over the coming weeks as the mucoidal plaque that has attached itself to the colon walls begins to be expelled.
Hubby and I are definitely going to hold a party after all of this drama, I assure you!
Hubby’s BMs are more frequent, but nothing unusual to report as yet. Today he told me that if we were back in South Africa he would feel better about this colon cleanse because he could at least shoot anything "suspect" that appears in the Throne.
I have now placed two elegant ceramic aromatherapy oil burners in both of our bathrooms in order to zap the ungodly odours that accompany this cleansing goodie!
Last night, when friends were over for dinner, they commented on the lovely perfume in our home. It’s amazing what lavendar oil can do!
I had two girlfriends call me with questions for updates on the cleanse and Hubby had his friend from Vancouver call and ask the same questions. Our friends are very interested because they too have read the testimonials, are anxious to try the cleanse but want to see if we survive first.
Tonight I had a BM, just after dinner, and I felt as light as a feather afterwards.
I am amazed, mostly at the fact that I feel the need to share this information. But I do so because I am convinced that this colonic cleanse is the cure-all for many ailments that have been misdiagnosed and I can’t stand to think that we’re all walking around oblivious to the nasty creatures living in our bowels and the toxins that have built up in our systems.
Both Hubby and I feel that once we have completed the 3 month cleanse we will gift our parents with the same program so that they will be much healthier and happier.
Time will tell, so please stay tuned for further stunning information and updates!
(6) DAY SIX - Tuesday, May 20, 2008
For the first time in a very long while, I slept peacefully, without tossing and turning through the night.
I followed our usual routine and although "things" feel very strange and bloated, nothing outstanding to report.
Let us see what tomorrow holds in store for us!
(7) DAY SEVEN - Wednesday, May 21, 2008
It feels as if I swallowed a beach ball. I wonder, if I swallowed two, would I resemble Pamela Anderson?
No UFOs to report (Unidentified Floating Objects)
Lots of rumblings and "goings-on" in the tummy - feel a bit like Pooh bear as well. Oh my!
Slept very well again, despite the imaginary beach ball in my stomach.
(8) DAY EIGHT - Thursday, May 22, 2008
Thank God, the beach ball has gone - several BMs this morning.
Nothing unusual to report except that both hubby and I have enough natural gas to fly a Boeing 747 from here to Honolulu!
One thing that is INCREDIBLE: I have not craved for or eaten chocolate since I began this cleanse. I find this quite amazing as I used to eat chocolate on a daily basis.
(9) DAY NINE - Friday, May 23, 2008
Feels so good to be regular! This is the ninth day in a row that my body is releasing chocolate hostages on a regular basis!
I do believe that my love handles are shrinking - ooh-la-la!
I have now incorporated the excellent habit of drinking 8 glasses of pure water per day and I can see the change in my skin and feel it in my body - I just feel "cleaner".
When I take my tea at night, which I still love, I actually look forward to the following morning’s routine of Paranil and the fibre drink - in fact, Hubby and I have made a ritual out of it and we sit in the living room and discuss the agenda for the day.
Then we both head to the Loo and come out smiling. I’m lovin’ this stuff!
(10) DAY TEN - Saturday, May 24, 2008
My friends email, call and visit me, asking for updates! They’re all dying to try the detox, but they want to be assured that they will survive. Given that I am still alive, their curiosity is at a peak!
Hubby says a few aliens appeared and he described the ungodly creatures in detail. I shall spare you the details but I am a little disappointed as I haven’t been blessed with the expulsion of any UFOs to date.
However, this monumentous event for Hubby has challenged our initial skepticism - we highly doubted that either of us had "parasites" as described by the professionals at drnatura. That is, until today.
Well, to each his own, we continue in hope.
I feel refreshed each day, I look forward to our daily walks and I am more positive than I have ever been! And yes, I attribute this refreshing feeling to the detox, even though we’re only on day 10.
(11) DAY ELEVEN - Sunday, May 25, 2008
Nothing unusual to report really. Regular BMs.
(12) DAY TWELVE - Monday, May 26, 2008
Woke up with a heckuva headache. Resisted the temptation to take "something" for it. Instead I drank two glasses of water.
Headache lasted throughout the day - I read that this is normal when toxic waste is being passed from the body, so I accepted it and kept drinking water.
Just before bed some strange BMs - definitely similar in description to the testimonials on drnatura.com where people describe the mucoidal plaque being eliminated. God help us! But it’s all good - I just know that I am going to feel so much healthier once this detox is over!
(13) DAY THIRTEEN - Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Slept well. Headache gone. However, the beach ball feeling is back. I will need to drink lots of water today.
Felt strange all day. Hubby says it’s because the aliens living in my colon are resisting eviction. Whatever - I just want this OVER!
My hubby reminded me that we were supposed to be taking 4 Paranil capsules and 1.5 teaspoons of the fibre mix after DAY 6. (Talk about being blonde!)
So, we upped the doseage, and now I know why I’m feeling so bloated.
I still haven’t had one craving for chocolate - it’s been incredible.
My nails are stronger and my hair shinier - something’s going well.
A good friend wrote and asked for details of what to expect as they are on day three of their detox. I played Nurse for a while and reminded him of the instruction booklet!
A girlfriend called and told me she has lost 5 pounds in two weeks - that’s amazing. And she didn’t change her diet or exercise routine, she just did her usual morning walk.
Okay, so I’m looking forward to losing at least 15 pounds of alien inhabitation and once they have been evacuated, we are going to have a DETOX party here in Whistler!
Imagine, we could invite all our colleagues who joined us on the detox and talk non-stop about our BMs and how much better we feel while we sip our fibre drinks!
I am quite sure that Rowan Atkinson would love to come to that party!
(14) DAY FOURTEEN - Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I feel like a hot-air balloon that is about to LIFT OFF and be propelled at light speed into the atmosphere.
Holy Cannoli! Hubby is having a whale of a time expelling hot air! (I told him he was full of it!)
Honestly, the wildlife around here hardly visits anymore since Hubby has let loose - We used to be graced with the presence of raccoons, squirrels, robins and other dandy animals, but once they got a whiff of Hubby standing on the balcony, word spread fast and they avoid our place altogether. God knows what is going to happen to the plantlife in our garden!
(15) DAY FIFTEEN - Thursday, May 29, 2008
Okay, now I feel like the Zeppelin or the Hindenburg - something has got to "give" soon!
We’re on the increased doseage which is supposed to kick in after 6 days, so we’re a little behind.
From now on I am convinced that our adventures will become more shocking.
My husband says he is concerned about the porcelain bowl in my toilette - he said that I should be careful not to "chip it" when I had to "go"! Goodness, gracious me!
Who knows what tomorrow will bring???
(16) DAY SIXTEEN - Friday, May 30, 2008
Woke up feeling grateful to have made it through the night!
I was a little smarter than usual last evening - I drank my tea with the tea-bag still steeping inside.
And God above, did it ever work!
Hubby has been laying cable all day and I have been chipping porcelain for most of the day.
Between us we have both been to the Loo at least 9 times with significant BMs!
Thank goodness we work from a home office or else our colleagues would have been in hysterics and wearing gas masks.
Anyway, no Unidentified Floating Objects to report, but one thing is for certain: we aren’t as full of shit as we used to be!
(17) DAY SEVENTEEN - Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thank goodness the bloating has all but disappeared
BMs are between 3 and 5 per day!
Everyone says I am glowing - well ain’t that peachy!
(18) DAY EIGHTEEN - Sunday, June 01, 2008
Sat on the throne for most of the day.
Hubby says things have to get better soon or else he’s kicking in the towel. I encouraged and reminded him that some people only see results after a month - we have two months to go and I ain’t giving up anytime soon
In fact, I’ve decided to go to gym after our morning walks - that is a major breakthrough for me
Feeling good physically and mentally and having a lot of fun with friends and family joking about all of this!
Today I saw my good friend and she said that apart from my belly - I was "shrinking"! Okay.
(19) DAY NINETEEN - Monday, June 02, 2008
Same old, same old…. except that my clothes are a little looser?
Received an encouraging email from one of our beloved Canadian Forces in the Navy - JJ - This is what he had to say:
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer’s invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane g as. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you ca n see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term ‘Ship High In Transit’ on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘ , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries & is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always thought it was a golf term.
Jolly funny, Old Man! Thanks for the inspiration.
(20) DAY TWENTY - Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Still waiting for the "aliens" to evacuate.
Loving the tea.
(21) DAY TWENTY-ONE, Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Just heard from our guy down in Vancouver - he’s had Lift-Off! Several aliens evacuated and he’s feeling great. I’m jealous. What’s with hubby and I? Why are our aliens so stubborn?
("Aliens’ a euphemism for "impacted fecal matter"/ petrified pooh-pooh" YUK!)
Stop turning up your nose - you have it too!
(22) DAY THIRTY - Friday, June 13, 2008
Okay, TOXINOUT arrived - Boy are we excited!
The Toxinout itself is a "Heavy Metal/Toxin Removal and Liver Detox Support. It is designed to assist the removal of lead, mercury and other toxins from the body, while detoxifying the blood, liver, kidneys and other organs.
The DetoxiGreen has vitamins, minerals, enzymes, amino acids and green phytofoods (huh?) and is designed to replenish the nutrients lost due to "body pollution".
The Flora Protect is a daily probiotic supplement that protects the intestinal flora. I imagine that my liver is quite toxic from the good life in South Africa and Italy, so that must explain the pasty white hue on my face and the waves of nausea. My liver’s saying, "Uh-oh, time to flush out all that good Barolo, the Amstel, Moet Chandon, Amarone and espresso - not to mention the Tiramisu, the caviar and the double-thick cream. Hopefully I’ll make it through the night!
www.drnatura.com

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SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous

